accidental suicide

Go ahead and kill yourself
Because everyone will blame themselves
And you are the everlasting victim
In your heavenly body

And now you are gone.
Praise be to rock and roll and hopelessness.

The silence that is left by your disappearance
leaves chills to my earthly body
and almost makes me believe I have a soul.

You took everything away from me,
But you should know that the everything you took
Is a speck in my life.
And that the power you had was lost long before
You found your final escape.

And now you are gone.

Your demons followed me around
As if they were not happy just possessing you
But needed to ruin and hurt anything in their pathway.
You didn’t exist.
You were lived.
You were dead.

It was never my life to begin with.
But you stole it from me anyway.
You are probably laughing.

I said this would happen
Even then.
I tried to protect you
Again and again

Because I saw this moment
The moment that your need for retreating
Is more important than your need
To be seen.
And it’s not fair.

Because your cries for help were heard
But still echoed back at you so loud
That pride overtook you
And the voices in your head were stronger
Than any voice of reason
Or any voice of love.

It was easier for you to give up
Over and over
Than it was to believe that you could feel better one day
It was easier for you to give up this time.
Than it was to tell your demons that you are worth more

More than anything
a waisted person is a waisted life.
Not because you are dead now
But because you never really lived no matter
How hard anyone tries to tell themselves you did
They only tell themselves that
To justify their own lives.
To justify their use of your desperation.
And to justify your death.

I wished this upon you
And I wished that you could be free from all this shit.
You were the worst person
But also the best example of what not to do.
And still I envied you.

Because you had a magic
And anyone that knew you will attest to that.
And you had charm when you weren’t crying or yelling
Or being a child.

You wanted not to care, but you did.
And nobody really wanted you to care, so you couldn’t.

I will never understand you
I will always hate you
And I will always be sorry that there was nobody who could talk sense into you.

And I’m sure you will come to memory
Every so often
But only to haunt me and hate me
And blame me for everything you have ever done wrong
And you’ll even blame me for what you’ve done now

So let me not take your moment away from you
Shine like the sun
For the few seconds that the people who knew you
Hear that you’ve left

I hope it was worth it
I hope your pleasure in pain was worth it